Do you beat yourself up when you have your own BIG feelings or lose it in front of your kids? Please trust me when I share that you are NOT alone. Many parents come to me because they don’t like who they are when they are with their kids. I let them know up front that I can help them, but I’m also adamant that perfect parenting is NEVER the goal nor should it be.
If your kids never see you get angry…
If your kids never see you get frustrated…
If your kids never see you get sad…
If your kids never see you get anxious…
How will they learn to deal with these feelings themselves?
If we never have our own big feelings in front of our kids, how else are they going to learn what it’s like to have them and what to do when you do? Our kids need to see us experience all different types of emotions. They need to see what tools we use when we’re having them and how we deal with them.
If you’re in a heated moment with your child and you tell them you need to pause and take a few deep breaths to calm down, they learn to calm down first and then deal with issues.
Our kids also need to see us lose it at times. If your kids never see you struggle with your own big feelings they may think that something is wrong with themselves when they experience them — creating even more turmoil and self-esteem issues. The key is what happens after you lose it, and how you teach them to handle it when they do.
Our kids need to see us take responsibility for any actions we may take when we are struggling with our emotions. They need to see us apologize and work to repair whatever damage was done, and then they need to see us work to change so we’re not making the same mistakes over and over again.
We are ALL human and we ALL have a wide range of emotions including plenty of negative ones. Instead of beating yourself up for having big feelings in front of your kids, I invite you to consider that it’s an opportunity to teach your kids how to handle them.
Did you know that there are simple parenting strategies that can make parenting so much easier? The problem is that they are completely opposite of our natural parenting instincts and most parents don’t know them.
I’m on a mission to change that by helping parents build a better parenting toolbox, and I’ve made it really easy with my Confident Parenting Club. Click here to learn more.
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